What Women Really Think (23): She shouldn’t have had to write this

 There is not one woman in the world who needs you to tell her what she can wear, where she can go, to whom she can speak, or what she should think.

What Women Really Think (22): Rape

22. We want to be taken seriously when we say we were raped. Know that one in four women will be raped during her lifetime. When a woman is raped and feels brave enough to report, she has to relive her hell over and over again just to put the violence on record. First she has to get a physical exam of the area that has been violated, then she has to describe the attack, to a cop, to a lawyer, to a judge and maybe even to a jury. That is if the cop even takes her seriously and if the case even goes to trial. Most cases don’t and often the victim gets blamed for the attack. She will face harassment and humiliation, only for the fact that she seeks justice. Think about the last time you called a woman a liar for talking about what happened to her. If you have never done this, more power to you. However if you automatically consider a rape victim a liar, don’t! If you want to give women a real reason to trust you as a man, stop your friends from telling rape jokes, tell people off for calling a victim a liar, do not automatically assume she made it up. Most women are too afraid to talk about this. Women who do speak up need support, not harassment.

 

 

What Women Really Think (21): Axe Body Spray

21. Axe Body Spray does not smell good.  A clean body wearing clean clothes and maybe a *little* aftershave or cologne smells good.  If we can smell you before we see you, dude, reel it the hell in.

What Women Really Think (20): Reverse Sexism

20. Pointing out the oppression, sexism, misogyny, general douchebaggery that women live with every single day of their lives, is NOT being sexist toward men!

What Women Really Think (19): Thongs

 

 19. Thongs are fucking uncomfortable.

What Women Really Think (14-18): Douchebaggery

 

14.   Women are aware of your motivations, so don’t try to hide them.  All that does is increase your douchebag factor, and women hate douchebags just as much (if not more than) you do.

 

15.   No one cares if the way my ass looks gives you a hard-on, least of all me.  Shut the fuck up and leave me alone.  Otherwise, guess what?  That’s right – you’re a douchebag.

 

16.   Stop trying to impress your guy friends by disrespecting women.  That’s douchebaggery of the highest caliber.  Your guy friends aren’t impressed, and if they are?  They’re douchebags.

 

17.   Don’t trivialize women’s concerns.  We constitute over half the human race – it continues to amaze me how douchebags manage to get through adolescence without realizing this simple fact.  If half the human race thinks it’s a problem and you don’t, that doesn’t mean you’re right.  Use your noodle for a second – what does Occam’s razor say?  That’s right!  You’re a douchebag!

 

18.   You KNOW when you’re being a douchebag, so just quit it already.  It’s transparent, and it’s pathetic.  Do yourself (and womankind) a favor and DON’T BE A DOUCHEBAG.

An Explanation

The posts below are intended for use as email forwards. Feel free to quote them on blogs or in everyday life. These are collaborative works so please don’t claim them as your own. If you do quote these anywhere on the internet, please include a link back to this website.

The posts below include thirteen different points, so our next post will start the counter at fourteen.

Enjoy the remainder of your flight,

Captain Aphra

What Women Really Think

Dear Men of the World,

Tired of the mysteries of the female mind? Finding it hard to get laid? Here are a few simple things to remember.

The Basics

· There are three billion women in the world and every single one of them is a different person with different thought patterns, desires, wishes and feelings. There’s no shortcut that allows you to suddenly understand the Mysterious Female Brain, because there’s no such thing; there’s just three billion different brains belonging to three billion different women. However there are some guidelines for dealing with women, a lot of which comes down to basic courtesy.

· Some of us don’t want ANY of you. And no, you can’t watch.

On Erections and Porn

· Your erection=your problem. I am not here to take care of your erection. Do not come and show it to me like it’s a special gift that I should graciously accept. It’s yours. Please take care of it yourself.

· Guys who get all their ideas about sex from watching porn squick women out. It’s like someone whose ideas about cooking come entirely from watching Iron Chef: the food still ends up on the plate, but the process by which it gets there is sad and twisted and has nothing to do with feeding people.

On Anger

· Don’t expect a woman to instantly forgive you for treating her badly just because you bring her flowers. We, and our emotions, are not for sale, and the gift sends the message that you think we’re either children to be distracted, or whores to be paid to resume our duties.

· If a woman is angry with you, it’s not her hormones; it’s the fact that you did something that pissed her off.

On Relationships

·  If we don’t seem interested and tell you so politely, don’t think that we’re playing hard to get; accept that we’re not interested. We don’t see persistence as a demonstration of your love. We see it as an indication that you’re a stalker.

· If your “ideal mate” “dream girl” or whatever has no body hair, fake nails, fake breasts, a fake tan, no opinion, is painfully thin, utterly compliant, never gets sick, or bleeds, or sweats, or cries, or has any of those other pesky bodily functions that you yourselves have, what you’re looking for is a blow-up doll.

Most Importantly

WOMEN DON’T WANT YOU.
Maybe a few times in your lives some of you have met women who genuinely desired your body in a flood of passionate lust.

The rest of the time we have had intercourse with you because we were forced, coerced, threatened, intimidated, nagged, whined at, manipulated, tricked, brainwashed, and blackmailed. We did it to get out of abusive households, rotten jobs, crushing poverty, and terrible loneliness. We did it so you’d love us, so we could count on you, so you’d stay, so you wouldn’t be so mean. We did it just so we could feel your arms around us. We did it because we loved you, because we didn’t want to hurt your feelings, because you’d make us pay if we didn’t, because the children needed shoes, because we didn’t even know we had a right to refuse.

So the next time you’re tempted to pinch our butts or look us up and down, or drop some nasty remark that passes for humour, or think no means yes, or do any of the predatory things that spring from the myth that you’re entitled to the use of women’s bodies and that we owe you intercourse whether we like it or not, stop.

Wait for one of us to approach you, because in all but very rare cases, women don’t want you, and we’re sick of being treated like prey.

Love,

Women of the World

Five Things All Men Should Know

 Tired of the mysteries of the female mind? Here are five simple things to remember.

1.   Women are not a hive mind. Women are individuals on the entire human spectrum.

2.   Not only do women not want you specifically, some of us don’t want ANY of you. And no, you can’t watch.

3.   Genuinely nice guys don’t view friendship as payment for sex.

4.   Women do not consider your erection a compliment.  We are well aware of how common your erections are. 

5.    Porn is not an owner’s manual

 

Announcing

Welcome to WAH Airlines. Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties your flight will be delayed for a few days. We apologise for any inconvenience.